A tribute to Tim

By Emma Findlater

This is the last ever photo taken of my beautiful fiancé Tim and our son Jacob. Tim was 31 years old, he died on Thursday 13 April 2006 of a major heart attack due to a problem with his left ventricle. Tim had Duchenne muscular dystrophy. When first diagnosed his family was told he would not live past 19 as it was very common for people with Duchenne not to reach even their teens. It shows how far the research into management techniques has com.

I met Tim only three and a half years ago over the internet which I always thought an embarrasing tale to tell due to society's views on the people who "chat" online. Tim, however, was proud and thought it was an amazing story to tell that two people from two completely different backgrounds could find each other and be happier than most married couples today.

We moved in together reasonably quickly, decided to get engaged and talked very early on about having a family. On 10 November 2005 Jacob Timothy Findlater was born and we planned to get married in just a few weeks.

Tim's death was very unexpected as he was full of life and courage and had everything to live for. He made my life complete.

Im writing to you because I would love for other readers to know that other people with Duchenne muscular dystrophy can have the love and life that any other man should. When I used to speak to Tim he told me of his thoughts of never having a family or even a girlfriend and I know with society's prejudices there must be many more people out there like Tim thinking that they will never have that chance. All I can say is that I have never and will never again meet a man like Tim, he was my whole world and we were so in love, the love I had or should I say, have for him will never ever go and my one regret is that Jacob will not remember his daddy.

Jacob is a real daddy's boy and even though it has only been a few days since Tim left I already feel as though he has missed so much.

A lot of people used to think our life to be odd, we lived with a carer which admittedly was strange to me at first but I soon got used to it and it just became the norm for me, afterall I didn't know any different. Carers did two weeks, on two weeks off and we had the same two carers for a long time - we didn't really see them as someone to look after Tim but as friends.

The thing Tim and I found difficult was getting equipment for him. For example, getting an indoor/outdoor wheelchair that didn't break down and that we could get in the car. When we found out I was pregnant with Jacob we set about trying to find a suitable wheelchair so that he could be at the birth of his son - everything seems so difficult when it comes to applying for a grant from different people and then we were told that we wouldn't be able to get one that he wanted through the NHS because they just give people what they think is right.

I think people with disabilities have a real hard time. People don't seem to realise that the footplates have to be in exactly the right place, the arm rest, the control the seat and people don't appreciate that Tim had to sit in that wheelchair all day every day and had to be as comfortable as possible. It wasn't enough just to "make do". The seat pad seemed a lot of money but at the end of the day Tim needed to be comfortable. I would love to be able to do something that makes all of the finding out where to go, what to do, where to hire equipment from etc a lot easier for those who need to know.